Fear Of You
by DianaMaslowx
Summary: Everyone has their problems, but for these four boys things are a little bit more serious. Kogan/Jarlos/Light Kames. Rating may move up in later chapters.
1. Change In My Ways

**I have news.**

**Basically, this story is no longer being written by WindowsDown22, she let me adopt it since she had no ideas and she thought my writing was good. **

**She already got the first two chapters down, so I'll post those and then continue from there. I hope you aren't mad or upset because I'm not nearly as good. But hopefully you guys learn to enjoy what I will be planning for the story.**

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**Summary: Everyone has their problems, but for these four boys things are much more serious. From being socially inept, to not being able to move on from the past. From having reoccurring panic attacks, to having no control over your urges. It makes life just that much harder, but will they be able to help each other, or will they let their fear get the better of them. Kogan/Jarlos/Light Kames.**

**Fear Of You**

**Chapter 1: Change In My Ways**

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"Okay Logan, you can do this, it's going to be fine. There all here for the same reasons as you are, to get help. They're not going to try and humiliate you, or embarrass you. No, they're not. You're going to get help, confront your fear and it will all be all right, everything will be all right," I whisper to myself, closing my eyes as I heave in deep gulps of air.

"Sweetie-"

"Mummy, please don't make me go!" I scream, turning around to jump into my mother's arms. I feel so ridiculous. A twenty-five year old grown man I am, and this is how I act, like a child who's afraid of their first day of school. Even though I feel so utterly stupid I can't help myself. My worst fear lies behind the door before me, and even though on the way here I have somehow managed to convince myself this is a good idea, I now know differently. I cannot do it. _I simply cannot do it._

"Please, please," I beg my voice only just audible, as my mother pries our intertwined limbs apart.

"I'll do better I swear, I'll go back to Doctor Morris and I'll do better I swear mum, I'll do better please."

"No Logan, we agreed this was for the best remember. And it's only ninety minutes and then I'll be back to pick you up. Remember what I said, I'll have your favourite meal waiting for you at home. Apple pie with whipped cream, doesn't that sound good?"

"Don't baby the boy Joana!" the booming voice of my father resonates throughout the hall, causing me to flinch. He steps forward, grabbing my arms and turning me towards the door.

"Daddy, please, p-please," I begin to cry, this normally getting my parents to give into me, but even the drops of tears trickling down my face don't seem to work.

"No Logan, we're sick of this. Your twenty-five years olds for god's sake and you have nothing going for you because of what you're suffering from. You need help and that doctor of yours recommended this so your going-"

"Please no," but before I can finish my sentence my dad has opened the door and shoved me through, slamming the door shut not allowing me to exit. I immediately grab at the door handle trying to open the door, but my dad has a strong grip on the other side not allowing me to do so. When I finally realise that he is not going to let up, I stop leaning my forehead against the cold glass.

"You must be Logan Mitchell," I suddenly hear behind me.

I whip around to see many pairs of eyes upon me. There is a group of at least eight not including the woman who has spoken to me. I freeze up not being able to help it. They are all staring at me, and I can already hear their choruses of laughter aimed towards me. The woman stands up, a warm smile on her face. She gives off such caring vibes but I know not to trust them. That only leads towards trouble, and I have had enough of that for one life time.

"Everyone this is Logan Mitchell, one of two new members here today. Can everyone give him a warm welcome?" The woman says cheerfully, everything about her demeanour screaming you can confide in me. I bite down on my bottom lip not willing to believe this. She may seem trustworthy but then they all do. I have experience when it comes to these people. Their intentions seem honourable at first and then all of a sudden everyone is left laughing at you, causing a great deal of embarrassment and humiliation.

"Why does he look like he's about to piss himself," my eyes flicker towards a very attractive male, his face full of arrogance. He smirks as my eyes lay on him, immediately pulling away. I have known this would be a bad idea from the moment it had been mentioned in my therapy sessions with Doctor Morris a few months ago. I have been dreading it ever since, and now that this boy has spoken up I can feel my knees beginning to buckle underneath me.

"James," the woman says harshly, the man now known as James rolls in eyes in turn.

"We're all here to help each other James, and I do not expect those kind of remarks from you," the damage is done however. I feel incompetent and small. I know that this place is not going to help me. How can it with someone like him in the room.

"Now everyone say welcome Logan," the woman tries again.

"Welcome Logan," the group says even James. I look around at the eight others taking in their appearances. The group consists of both male and female participants. As I look around a girl sticks out to me, her hands going up to give me a sweet wave. My face goes red at this, my breathing becoming ragged.

"Now it's okay Logan, no one is here to make fun of you in anyway. And you can disregard James' remark. That will not be happening again," she stares at James who holds his hands up in surrender before turning back to me, "We are all here for them reason; to get help right guys."

Some people nod enthusiastically, others look down avoiding eye contact with anyone. James just smirks up at me, smug like, everything about him full of haughtiness.

The woman now begins to move towards me after saying this, my eyes darting around the room wondering why she is doing so. She ends up being a few feet away from me, making me back up against the door, a tightening sensation forming in my chest, my stomach churning with nausea.

"It's okay Logan, I am just going to introduce myself. My name is Leila George," she extends a hand which I want to take. _In normal social situation this is what you do_, I tell myself inwardly, but my hand will not seem to move itself. She retracts her hands still smiling.

"It's okay, we'll get there eventually," she whispers before returning to where she had been previously. I am still up against the door, so when she takes her seat she smiles before saying, "Please take a seat Logan. Don't worry, no one bites here," she again makes a point to glare at James in warning. I fiddle with my fingers nervously before shuffling forward slowly. It takes me a while but soon enough I am just in front of the seat. I sit down upon it, and wait for the humiliation to begin. Every negative thought possible is going through my head; _your boring Logan, everyone will think you boring, and stupid, don't forget stupid. Oh they're just waiting for you to mess up so they can laugh in your face and watch you cry like the baby you are._ The tightening in my chest is back and I actually think I am going to throw up, but this feeling eases when no one says anything. Leila simply smiles.

"Well that great, now we have a few minutes so we will just wait for Carlos-"

Leila is interrupted by the opening of the door. I look up to see a tanned boy walking through. He greets everyone with a smile, before turning back to close the door. I frown when he re-opens the door and closes it again before doing so one more time. He then turns back towards everyone.

"Hey guys," he chirps. "I'm Carlos Garcia."

"Well hello Carlos, I'm Leila," Leila stands again moving towards Carlos. When she extents a hand again he takes it, which makes me envy him. _Stupid, why didn't you just do that like the normal person he is? _But I notice that perhaps Carlos isn't so normal after all. He shakes Leila's hand up and down three times but when Leila goes for a forth he yanks his hands away. I expect Leila to be taken aback but she isn't simply smiling and gesturing for Carlos to take a seat. He walks over to the empty stool, examining it firstly. He then pulls a cloth from his back pocket and a small bottle of I don't know what. He kneels down on one knee before cleaning the stool seat. He rubs the cloth in circles three times one way, then three times the other way. I find this strange. When finished he sits down.

"Okay now everyone is here, let's begin shall we," Leila starts off. "Now first of all for both Logan's and Carlos' sake I want all of you to go around and introduce yourselves and tell us why you're here. Now I want you to do this when I point to you."

My breathing is once again ragged, the negative thoughts coming back._ You can't do this, you're boring and stupid and who wants to know anything about you. You're just going to embarrass yourself, just like you always do. _My stomach clenches tightly as I begin to sweat profusely.

"HI my name is Camille Roberts," I look up to see the girl who had waved at me previously. She is smiling which I find strange. I thought that most people here would be like me, but so far that has proved unlikely.

"And I am here because I have a Triskaidekaphobia," I raise my eye-brows towards her, wondering what that even means.

"It means fear of the number thirteen," she says looking at me whilst doing so. I nod not wanting to say anything.

"Yeah, it's kind of crazy but this place has really helped. I don't nearly freak out as much on the thirteenth date of each month."

When Camille finished everyone begins to clap so I join in, lightly placing my hands together not wanting to clap louder than anyone else, or get stuck clapping loudly after everyone is finished. Other people are introduced. Jeff and Ricki are first both of them having generalised anxiety disorder, which led to him becoming insomniacs. Cameron is next who has the rare panic attack along with agoraphobia; a fear of being in places where escape or help would be difficult to find in the event of a panic attack. Then Jo who suffers from depression and frequent attacks of anxiety, before Leon who has mysophobia the fear of germs.

After this there are three people left. I look towards each of them. One is Carlos who looks a little uncomfortable, but probably nowhere near as bad as I look. Then there is James, who sits arms folded across his chest with that look of haughtiness still plastered over his face. Then lastly I turn to look at-

My heart jumps up into my mouth, my face turning a boiling red, my breathing becoming laborious and the tightening in my chest is back like I am going to pass out in any second. There sits the most beautiful man I have ever seen. With dirty blond locks that I can't help but want to run my fingers through and piercing green eyes that look like emeralds he is absolutely beautiful.

"Kendall how about you go next," I hear Leila say. The sound of his name is music to my ears. I can't even describe what I am feeling, never having felt something so intense before in my life.

"Okay, well yeah, I'm Kendall Knight and I suffer from post-traumatic stress disorder," I gulp wondering what led him to suffer from this.

"Thank you Kendall," Leila says after everyone's finished clapping, before turning and pointing to James.

"Hi my names James Diamond, and for all you newbies out there," he turns to first wink at Carlos, before winking at me, "I am very much single and would love to show around my bedroom sometime-"

"James," Leila says threateningly.

"Fine and I'm here because-well to be honest I don't know why the fuck I'm here surrounded by a bunch of crazies-"

"James!" Leila shouts this time with more of aggression.

"Had any mummy issues lately James," everyone turns to Kendall who is smirking examining his nails in what appears to be disinterest, even though he is clearly interested in the conversation at hand.

"You know even though you have daddy issues, it didn't stop you from screaming out 'spank me harder daddy," Kendall put his hands down at this looking over at James in what seems like a threatening manner until he is without warning smiling.

"I don't have daddy issues."

"Step daddy, same thing."

All the while that this conversation is in commence my heart is feeling like it is about to break in two. I should've known Kendall would be with someone as pretty as James. _He would never go for someone like you, you're boring, _and the negative thoughts are back.

"Okay you two that's enough, now what about you Carlos."

Everyone turns to Carlos, the tanned man clearing his throat before doing so again and again, much like he had when shutting the door, shaking Leila's hand or wiping his stool down.

"Well um, my names Carlos Garcia and I have obsessive compulsive disorder."

It makes sense now.

"So you have to do things in sets of three I'm guessing," Leila speaks up. Carlos nods. "And you also have an issue with cleanliness," again Carlos nods. She smiles before turning to Leon.

"Perhaps you should talk to Leon, you two share some similarities in you condition," Carlos looks towards Leon who smiles back at him. I only wish that someone here will do the same for me, but there have been no takers so far.

"Okay so Logan, it looks like it's your turn."

I look up not having expected for her to make me have a turn. I have thought that she understood but clearly not. I shake my head, shying away. I know I shouldn't have come here, but my parents are forcing me. I hate them so much right now.

"Logan, everyone else has gone it's your turn."

"Yeah come on Logan, I'm intrigued," Camille says, leaning forward against her knees. "It's obvious something to do with being adorably shy."

I don't know what is with this girl, but I don't particularly like it. It makes me feel so uncomfortable the way she is talking to me.

"Sure he's adorably shy, but he's obviously super gay as well," James said more to Camille. My face flushes red. I have never even thought about the fact of being gay. I've never even had a girlfriend let alone a boyfriend.

"How do you know?" Camille speaks up.

"Because he's been pounding blondie over there with his eyes ever since he saw him," James replies indicating towards Kendall.

I can't believe James is doing this to me. I feel so embarrassed and I knew that this is going to happen to me. Why did I agree to come to this thing? Tears prick the back of my eyes, by body shaking.

"Ignore James Logan, and tell us what's up?" this time it isn't Leila encouraging me to speak up. It's Kendall. My eyes widen at the fact that he is actually talking to me.

"Come on Logan, it really helps to talk about it," Kendall again encourages.

"I um-"I actually speak and it surprises even me. But with Kendall's gaze upon me, his green eyes boring into me, I can't deny him.

"I-I well my name is-my uh name is um, Logan…L-Logan M-Mitchell and I am here-well I'm here because-well I a severe s-social anxiety dis-disorder."

I breathe a sigh of relief having really just done that. I don't even know how I managed it, having never been able to even contemplate speaking in front of a group of people before. But something about Kendall calms my fear, my disorder, the one thing that has kept me from living my life to its fullest. I look over at him and he is smiling, which makes me blush.

"Well done Logan," everyone claps.

"Now that we've got that out of the way, let's go around the group and talk about this past week. How it's been for everyone?"

Again the fear is back. Introducing myself is one thing, but talking about my life is another.

The turns go around the group and when it comes to me, I freeze up once again. Everyone stares at me like I'm some sought of freak, and it just makes me wish this was all over. I just want to go back home, hide in my room, and never leave it again. This is all too much, too fast and it is causing me to panic. My chest tightens again, my heart racing. My breathing comes short and sharp and I feel my stomach once again begin to churn.

"So Logan, how has your week been?" Leila asks me. I bite the inside of my cheek over and over again, feeling my face go hot and then cold and then hot again.

"Well I-I-I, um I-"I stop there shaking my head. I don't know what to say. What is there to tell about my last week? _Nothing exciting, because you're boring._

"Come on," James drawls out in a disgruntled voice. "Just tell us what you did in the past week, it's not that hard."

Wow I really hate this guy. I don't know what his problem is. He just seems like a jerk, even when he was telling the group about his week, he came across as obnoxious and arrogant. I still don't know exactly what's wrong with him, for he still refuses to talk about it exactly, but all I know is that he is a giant dick (not that I'd ever say that to him out loud). I pout which makes me close up even more.

"Stop being such a jerk James, and Logan it's all right. You can tell us okay. No one will make fun of you, including James," when Kendall says this, my heart can't help but skip a beat. Of course it's stupid for Kendall and James clearly have something going on.

"W-Well I um, didn't d-do much," I don't look up at anyone, my eyes upon the ground, my fingers clasping and unclasping together nervously.

"Well because of you disorder, how about we talk about the people that you've talked with this week," I don't reply.

"With severe social anxiety disorder, it's amazing that you're here Logan. You've come this far, and the next step is open up to us. I personally want to know the people who you feel comfortable enough to socialize around, so why don't you just tell use a few things you've done with people who a re-current within your social circles," Leila spoke.

I took a deep breath before saying, "W-Well I-I played s-scrabble with m-my mum."

I hear James scoff, feeling the vomit actually making its way up my throat. I gag slightly before pushing it down, not being able to look up at anyone.

"I like playing scrabble," I hear Kendall say. My eyes flit up to him, seeing him smiling. I look back down.

"I-I'm pretty g-good at i-it."

A moment of silence passes between the group.

"Well that's good Logan," a small buzzing sounds, as Leila nods smiling. "Well that was great progress guys, now that's our ninety minutes up. I think we've had a good session, now we'll meet back here, same place, same time, next week."

The group dispersed after this, everyone saying good bye to one another. James didn't bother to be honest, pushing past everyone to exit first. Camille gives me flirty eyes still not believing what James had said as she passes me. I stand up to leave, falling back onto my seat as I see Kendall standing before me.

"I-I K-Ken-"

"Hey," Kendall says to me. There is an awkward moment where we simply stare into each other's eyes and there is a connection there for me. I am not sure if it is the same for Kendall, but I definitely feel such a strong pull towards him. I break the gaze, looking down at the floor.

"I just wanted to say it was nice meeting you, and I'll see you next week," when I look back up he is gone. I don't know what I am supposed to do. Everything feels like its haywire, the tightening in my chest is there again, along with the need to throw up. My phone vibrates in my pocket making me jump. I calm myself down before pulling my phone out, reading the text from my mum. I then stand up, my whole body shaking as I leave what has been my first group therapy session, only one thought in mind.

_I can't wait for next week's session._

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**Love it? Hate it? Please let me know. (if you haven't read it before, welcome!)**

**I hope you enjoyed reading this, and I'm not sure if I should still ask questions at the ending. I'll think about it.**

_DianaMaslowx_


	2. No One Can Be Perfect

**Hey everyone, again.**

**Listen, I really hope you guys aren't mad that I'll be writing the story after this chapter. I don't really know why I'm just worried you guys hate me. But give me a chance?**

**Also, since I'll have to write the chapters after this, less updating. Since I have two stories to write, it'll take more time. (My other story is Burnt Inside, read it if you like.) But I always try to write a lot, so don't expect this to be one of those quick updating stories. But believe me, I'm trying. **

**I have things planned for this story, so expect more coming. You will eventually learn more about why the boys have their 'problems'.**

**So without further ado, here is chapter two!**

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**Summary: Everyone has their problems, but for these four boys things are much more serious. From being socially inept, to not being able to move on from the past. From having reoccurring panic attacks, to having no control over your urges. It makes life just that much harder, but will they be able to help each other, or will they let their fear get the better of them. Kogan/Jarlos/Light Kames. **

**Fear Of You**

**Chapter 2: No One Can Be Perfect**

**Thanks for all of your favs, alerts and reviews mean a lot, so remember to keep them coming.**

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I fall back on my bed, thinking about the cute pale brunet who would not leave my mind. He is just adorable, being all shy and cute, ugh! All through group I just wanted to throw him onto the floor and kiss him until he couldn't breathe. I shouldn't be thinking of him this however. I know it's stupid because I only just met the guy; not just that but he has a social phobia. He's probably never even kissed someone before, especially with his disorder being as severe as it was. I hear a knock at the door, so I stand. I open the door to find James standing there with a cute smirk on his face.

"I'm horny and you're lonely," he finally says, jutting out his bottom lip before entering my apartment. He is wearing a black trench coat which glades across the ground as he walks. He immediately sheds this however, turning around to face me, completely naked. I cross my arms over my chest leaning against the door frame.

"Well aren't you gorgeous-"

"Just shut up and fuck me," he hisses, pushing me up against the wall, his hand moving down to rub me between my legs.

"Y-You know where the b-bed room is," I stutter out. He pulls away smiling, turning to walk towards my bedroom door.

"Aren't you coming?" He asks his voice fill of want and need.

"I'll be there in a second," I reply.

"Don't be too long."

I take a few deep breaths as James enters my bedroom, trying to rid my thoughts of Logan. I can't enjoy hot, rough sex with James if all I can think about it the petite, pale beautiful man who has not left my mind since the end of the session.

"Ugh, hurry up Kendall, otherwise I'll finish without you," I can hear him stroking himself from here. I roll my eyes taking on last deep breath as I shed my own clothes and enter my bedroom.

I roll off of James, falling to his side, the both of us panting as we come down from our climaxes.

"God, you get better every time," James breathes out, turning to lie on his stomach. I can feel him watching me underneath his lusciously long eye-lashes.

"Yeah," I grunt out in reply.

"So, are we going to talk about the new freak shows or what?"

I've known James ever since he came into group therapy six months ago. I had been with the group for about seven months at the time, so I have now been there for a year in one month. I have been there the longest, James the second longest and the rest are kind of newbies to how everything works. Camille has been there for three months and everyone else has been there for two or less. I know James better than anyone else in my life, better than my own family, not that I really have a family anymore. James comes off as arrogant, cocky, maybe even a little self-absorbed at times, but I'm the only one who knows it's all an act. Well Leila probably does to; after all she's the councillor for the group and probably knows more about me than I do myself.

James is just an extremely complex being. When put in situations he isn't comfortable with he closes up completely. In group he's all right because he knows what to expect. It is when the unexpected happens that he really begins to suffer. James has a panic disorder. When he deals with a situation unfamiliar to him he begins to panic. Panic attacks often come next, leading him not being able to breathe. I've seen it a few times and it is truly a scary sight.

"Don't call them that," I say, not wanting to go through this conversation again. It all honesty it happens a lot.

"What call them what they are?"

"James if there freak shows then so are we."

"I'm not a freak show."

"Hate to break it to you buddy but-"

"Shut up Kendall," and now he is freezing me out, turning over onto his side away from me.

"I'm sorry," I finally say, moving to wrap my arm around his waist, kissing in between his shoulder blades.

"Mmm, me to," he finally replies. He turns to look me in the eyes, and I see the side of James I truly no. The delicate, sad, child like him, who craves one thing above all-"

"She's stupid you know," I whisper, stroking the side of his face. He looks away from me shyly.

"Your kind of perfect James, and you shouldn't let her make you think otherwise," he looks up at me, as I say this, pulling me in for deep kiss. It's not something that we regularly do, trying to keep what we have free of feelings. We agreed when we started this that it wasn't about falling in love or anything like that. It is exactly what James had said when he had first walked in. He's horny and I'm lonely; there is nothing more to it than that. He pulls back from the kiss, blushing.

"Sorry, I just-"

"It's okay," I reply not thinking too much into what has happened.

"I'm not perfect you know, nowhere near," James whispers before burying his face into the crook of my shoulder. I hold him tight one thought in my mind.

_No one is._

_The gun. I shook as it pointed at my head, my eyes looking through the mirror to see the terrified faces of my family. My little sister, my mother, my-_

"_Shut up you little bitch," the cold harsh blow up the gun smacking my face stings without remorse as I whimpered at what was happening._

"_Don't hurt him," my mum starts but then the gun is pointing at her._

"_Shut up! Shut up! Shut, UP!" the gun fires…_

I awake with a gasp, panting heavily a cold sweat covering my body. I hear a wheezing sound next to me, so I quickly turn to see James clutching at his throat his face red with breathlessness.

"Shit!" I scream out, my mind full of fog because of what I had just been reminiscing.

"K-Kendall," his voice is croaking and I can tell that he close to unconsciousness, as his body thrashes against the bedding trying to breathe.

"Where is it, where is it," I mutter myself trying to get the terrifying flashes of my family, of the gun, of the car falling, crashing…

"James I can't find it," I cry out, wishing I that this was just another terrifying dream.

"Pan-pan-" I quickly jump off of the bed grabbing at James' bed and grab at his pants searching through his pockets. I pull out the bottles of pills, grabbing on out and sitting next to him.

"Just relax," I say, stroking his hair. I pop the pill into his mouth and he swallows. After what feels like forever he calms down, to my relief. I pull him in for a hug, the both of us crying. We are both such a mess. I know neither of us will be able to sleep, so I pull him up rubbing at my eyes with my sleeve. I pull him to my couch as we settle upon it, cuddling together. I use the remote to turn on the television as we watch this for the rest of the night, flashbacks of what had happened running through my mind the entire time; just like always. I sigh dejectedly.

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I walk through the grocery store the next day, not intent on getting groceries. I am there looking at the counter seeing my sister Katie, I spy on her from behind a shelf of flavoured condoms which ironically I am out of stock of. I shake my head not wanting to be buying condoms in front of my sister. I decide that I'll just get a box of my favourite cereal, walking over to grab some before getting in her line. When it's my turn I step up.

"Hi welcome to-"her words die on her lips as she looks up at me.

"Hey baby sister," I say nervously. I put the cereal up as she scans the item not bothering to look at me. Katie is my sister. I haven't had a proper conversation with her in years no matter how many times I attempt to do so. I learnt in group from Lelia that talking to people who were there when the traumatic incident occurred leading to PTSD can really help. It's all about moving on from the past, but how can I do that when Katie my sister won't even talk to me when not necessary, my mum can barely stand the sight of me, and-

"That'll be four-seventy five," I hand over the money.

_Come on Kendall just talk to her, say something, it's what you came here to do, _I say to myself.

"Nice weather we're having today," I mentally slap myself. Could I have asked a more stupid question? Katie just scoffs, putting my cereal into a bag.

"Thanks for buying, please have a terrible day, and don't return here again," she says with a fake smile plastered over her face.

"Katie please just talk to-"

"What happened to that girls face?" I turn to see a little boy sitting in the trolley, his mother now standing their awkwardly. I gulp feeling completely at fault. I look up to see the terrible scar that has destroyed Katie's face, never leaving her the same.

"I'm so sorry," the mother tries, but Katie just smiles.

"It's fine," she then leans down to look into the little boys eyes.

"Do you want to know how I got this?"

"How."

"I fought a dragon."

"A dragon," the boy gasps in astonishment, his mouth gaping open in awe.

"Yeah and I even won against him."

"You won," the mother chuckled at her son, as Katie nodded. She then began to serve the woman who again apologised.

"Katie look please I just need to talk to you," I try again but she stops me with a glare.

"Leave now before I call my boss."

I sigh in defeat before turning and leaving. Before I can though, I see a familiar face out of the corner of my eyes. I turn back around to see Logan with a middle aged woman and man. I can only guess that those are his parents. He is clinging to his mother's jacket, looking around in a paranoid fashion. I find it weird that I see this as being extremely cute. The mother seems bothered by it, for she keeps looking around as if she is being judged by all of the other's in the supermarket. She is not nearly as bothered by it as the father though. The father isn't even trying to hide the fact that he is glaring at his son like he is some sort of freak. _It's not as if he can help it, _I think to myself, deciding that even though I haven't spoken a word to Logan's father I already don't like him. I decide then and there that I am going over to talk to Logan. I hope I don't scare him, but I have really wanted to see him ever since group last night. I walk up to the three of them, Logan not noticing me until I am a few feet away. He freezes up upon seeing me, going rather pale.

"Logan what are you-"the mother follows her sons line of vision to see me standing there.

"I'm sorry but can I help you," the mother snaps at me. I look at her with a glare, before leaning to my side to be able to see Logan fully.

"Hey Logan," I give a small wave.

"How do you know my son," the mother questions.

"Oh, we're are, well we're in group together, we met last night," Logan is avoiding my eyes staring right at the ground.

"Oh well that's good then, well we must be going so if you don't mind-"

"Actually Joana, why don't we let the boys talk," I can see the father put a hand on his wife's shoulder pushing her forward.

"What I don't think-"

"Let's go," he says forcefully moving to leave Logan behind. Logan tries to follow after his parents, but he is stopped by me being in the way.

"Hey," I say as he takes a few steps away, his eyes back on the floor, his fingers moving to fiddle with his hair.

"How've you been," I try, and he just shrugs.

"Well that's cool, I've been all right myself."

I look at him in hopes of a reply, but there is nothing. He actually looks like he is having breathing troubles, almost like a panic attack but there is something different about it. I can't quite understand it but I let it go all the same.

"So um, are you just out shopping with your folks?" He nods.

"Oh that's cool, um, they um seem weird," I let out an awkward chuckle, and when Logan does the same, I feel like I might be getting somewhere. He actually made a noise in front of me, not that he hadn't before. We had of course had a conversation last night, but this is better because we're by ourselves not in the group environment.

"So um, did you enjoy group last night. I mean I know that's it's not for some people. I even think sometimes that it's not really helping me, but then I think of what I used to be like and yeah, I'm a lot better now than I was a year ago," _okay stop rambling, you're looking like an idiot,_ I say inwardly.

"So do you think it helped?" I say getting back to the original question.

Logan makes this kind of whispering noise. I don't really know what to make of it, but he eventually blushes red, and just lets his mouth hang agape.

"Well um, again it helped me, but maybe you just need a few sessions."

Logan nods, not looking up at me.

"Oh well I guess I should get going, got places to go, people to see, bye," I turn to leave, but I feel Logan's hand on my sleeve tugging me back. I turn back around to see his pale face, his chocolaty eyes wide with fear.

"I-I don't know where m-my mum i-is," he stutters out, and I immediately smile.

"Well, why don't I help you find her," I turn and Logan follows after me, clutching at my sleeve. I don't know why but I feel some sort of pull deep inside me, wanting me to stay with this boy forever. It sounds strange to say, but there is something about him, that keeps me wanting more. I didn't even manage to once think of James during sex last night, no matter how hard I had tried.

We finally find his parents, Logan's mother glaring at me, before guiding him away down another aisle. Logan's father smiles as me before running after his wife, but I still don't like him. I don't know why but there is just something about him that strikes a nerve inside of me.

I leave the supermarket after this encounter, as I walk out into the car park I begin to become slightly nervous. Cars always do this to me, make me sweat and feel nervous and scared. I haven't driven a car in years, deciding to walk everywhere. I haven't even been in a taxi. I sometime bike places, but I mostly like to walk, it gives me time to think.

When a car approaches me to turn into a car park, I freeze up until the car engine stops.

"Are you all right son?" I hear an elderly man say as he exits his car, but I don't stick around to answer. I begin to run. I run all the way home, cars honking their horns, veering past. It brings on the flashbacks which make me squirm. When I finally get back to my apartment, I slam the door shut and lock it. I then fall to the floor, breathing heavily tears streaming down my face. I twitch back and forth, scratch at my face, pull at my hair until some of my blond locks come out in my strong grasp. The flashbacks never leave, they never leave me, and sometimes I don't ever think they will.

* * *

**Love it? Hate it? Please let me know. (welcome to any new readers, and old.)**

_Leave some ideas and thoughts?_

_Also, I wanted to tell you guys something. I have moderate social anxiety. This is sort of easy for me to think of ways to go with Logan. And it's easy to know how he feels in this, I can relate._

_I already have many ideas for writing from Logan's POV, it'll be easy. Please don't consider me a freak show. I'm already considered that by people who hate me._

_It's actually really tough dealing with it, because I have to do so many presentations because Christmas vacation is coming._

_Also, since Christmas is coming, that means more updates!_

**I hope you enjoyed reading this.**

_DianaMaslowx_


	3. The Truth Can Hurt

**And I'm back once again.**

**This is my first chapter written on my own for this story. It's not even gonna impress you. Again, I need to warn you, I'm not professional, and I don't know many descriptive words, more simple ones. **

**You guys finally get to see Carlos' thoughts on everything. He's like more the guy who sees everything and just isn't involved right now. He will be later in the story though.**

**But yes, this is a split POV chapter. First half is Logan's and the second half is Carlos'. Hopefully it won't get you too confused, because I'm not good at writing anyways. So you probably will be either way, ha.**

**This isn't like 3k words either, I rush sometimes.**

**I just hope you all enjoy and decide to keep reading, and give me a chance on this, it means a lot.**

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**Summary: Everyone has their problems, but for these four boys things are much more serious. From being socially inept, to not being able to move on from the past. From having reoccurring panic attacks, to having no control over your urges. It makes life just that much harder, but will they be able to help each other, or will they let their fear get the better of them. Kogan/Jarlos/Light Kames. **

**Fear Of You**

**Chapter 3: The Truth Can Hurt**

**Thanks for all of your favs, alerts and reviews mean a lot, so remember to keep them coming.**

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The rest of the week had already flown by, and today was the second group therapy session. I hadn't seen Kendall since we bumped into each other at the grocery store, and he was all I could think about all week. I knew him and James had something going on. There was no chance that that boy would ever take any chances of falling for me.

Besides, it's not like I could manage to say anything when he tries to start conversation with me. I just stand there like an idiot and stutter, but it's not like I could help it. He could start laughing at me at any time I was with him. It was too hard to even try, so why bother.

I heard footsteps and saw my mom peek her head through the crack of my door.

"Logan, honey, it's time to go," she said. I nod my head and follow her down the stairs and out the door.

We start driving toward the street and I could see out of the corner of my eye the worry in my mom's eyes. "Listen, Logie, I know you really aren't comfortable with this. So promise me that you'll go in the room without a fuss?"

"I- I promise mommy." I agree and look down into my lap and played with my hands. All I could notice was that I was shaking. It was probably the first thing you would notice about me. I'm almost always shaking. I just wanted to get to the therapy session already.

* * *

"Are you ready to go in? It's about to start," my mom questions. I nod as she puts her hand on my back, leading me towards the group therapy room. Once we reach it, she gives me a slight push towards to door and waves to me.

I let out a great sigh and open the door to see everyone socializing, including Kendall. But one thing I noticed, James wasn't in the room yet, which left Kendall talking to Carlos. I stay planted against the back wall, trying to be as far away from everyone as possible.

Suddenly, everyone sits down in their same seats as last week and they quiet down. I see the woman walk in and turn towards me. "Come on sit down Logan, we aren't going to hurt you."

When I try to look for a seat, I notice the only seats left are either the one beside Camille or the one beside Kendall. I slowly make my way to the empty seat beside Kendall. He greets me with a friendly smile as I sit down next to him.

Just as I do, I hear the door open and close. We all turn to face James, rushing in late. He goes and sits down beside Camille and gives me a nasty glare. Luckily, the woman decided to start up the session right as he was doing so.

"Let's do something different this week. I know it's a big change for some of us, but hopefully it'll help," she turns toward me and smiles. "Pair up with the person next to you and talk about your week."

"Logan, are you okay with pairing with Kendall?" I simply nod at her question. But everyone is probably thinking: _Logan is so pathetic. This guy is acting like a five year old. Get out. We aren't in elementary school anymore!_ "Okay, than go right ahead." When I glance over in James' direction, he is already staring over at me and Kendall. The disgust and jealous was notable, just by the look he gave through his eyes.

I start to shake and lose my train of though. I started to breathe heavily, and I couldn't control any of it. I felt a comforting hand reach onto my shoulder and I whip around on my chair to come face to face with Kendall. "Calm down, it'll be okay, That's just grumpy James. He probably didn't have the best morning. Just don't worry about it, okay?"

As soon as he noticed I was too worried to make a response, he wrapped his arms around me and pulled me into a hug. He started stroking my hair and my breathing only got worse. I kept telling myself _this isn't how you react to someone trying to comfort you_, but I still wouldn't budge.

"Shh, shh, shh, Logan, it's okay," somehow I thought that it wouldn't work, but the way he spoke to me. He was just so comforting and loving, like a giant teddy bear that always calms you down. Kendall seemed to be my teddy bear. "Are you okay?" he whispered gently in my ear.

"Y- Yeah." I said my first words to him since about a week ago. He awkwardly smiled at me and I quickly looked back to my lap. This totally wasn't because he liked me or anything.

I just didn't want to make myself believe that he actually liked me. Because he didn't, he was with James. He liked James, not me. That's what I had to believe and that's what I did believe.

_Kendall doesn't like me, he thinks I'm a freak show - a baby in fact. That's what everyone here thinks of me. I'm nothing but an outcast here. All Kendall is doing is trying to calm me down._

Kendall was too hard not to fall for, and it was bugging me.

* * *

It was so weird seeing James and Kendall act like this. For starters, James was acting more ignorant than he had ever been. I had never seen him give any of those disgusting looks anytime before. He was just being questionable.

Kendall wasn't looking as ecstatic to see James anymore. Whenever he saw James, he walked over to him like he was just another person he knew. But I knew that he was much, _much,_ more than another person he knew.

The new kid Logan seemed to be causing the tension between them. But I knew I couldn't talk to him about it. He had social anxiety, and it would take forever to manage a regular conversation with him. I could at least try to make him feel comfortable and welcome, then talk to him about it.

"'Los?" I heard James finally talk to me. I turned myself toward him and see the concern in his eyes. "What are you thinking about?"

"Nothing, it's nothing." I lied. It would be too hard for me to explain why I was thinking about his bad change in personality.

James sighed and shook his head over and over. "You're lying, just tell me." I gave up. I knew that if I tried fighting back, he would just end up winning, he always does. There wasn't a point in trying to win if I already knew that I wouldn't.

"You have really changed since Logan came, you know," he leaned over on the table. "Continue?" he requested.

"You haven't really been that nice to Logan. You can easily tell that you're jealous that he has been giving more attention to Logan than to you. I see you giving Logan dirty looks and I've heard you talking shit about him. Haven't you thought about giving him a chance?"

He continued to stare directly at me but I knew he was thinking about my words. The silence scarred me, it was getting too awkward for me to handle.

"But Kendall is mine. You can tell Logan is trying to steal him away from me, he doesn't like me, and he wants Kendall for himself!" he finally decided to say, sighing afterward.

I banged my head against the wall. "That's not the problem James; you made him afraid of you! Have you noticed the comments you've made about him, or the things you've said to him? Logan is hurting inside, and he would be too scared to actually try to do anything."

"You aren't helping, Carlos!" James threw the coffee mug at the wall and charged out of my house, full of anger. That wasn't intended, I was just trying to prove a point. I didn't want to get him mad at all.

* * *

_I'm just an outcast._

_What did I just do?_

_He doesn't understand how I feel about him._

_I'm just confused._

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**Love it? Hate it? Please let me know. **

_Sorry this is so short, I just wanted a little filler chapter, and we need a little drama._

_And I guess I'm kind of busy, I just wanted to let you guys know I'm not going to let go of this story. Next update won't be until next week. I need to work on my other story too. It's twice the work for me. _

_Question: How do you think Kendall is feeling right now?_

_This is so bad, I am so sorry._

**I hope you enjoyed reading this.**

_DianaMaslowx_


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